I had a first session with a client once and when I mentioned that I do EMDR, the client was ready to leave my office. That reaction was new to me. When I asked the client about the experience, I found out they went to therapy and were just immersed in EMDR with no explanation. And obviously, it was a terrible experience. You see, in EMDR you do not really talk about your experiences. You re-experience your experiences. Most of the time, it is painful and traumatic. Without proper preparation and education as to what is going to be happening, it is truly… brutal. It is like stepping into the shower and rubbing a sunburn with a sponge. No one is up for that. So, the answer is no, you cannot just expect EMDR to be done at your first session. You need proper preparation and in this post I will explain what it looks like.
EMDR is done in several phases. During phase one we collect all the information from you about your background, upbringing, health, parents - all that cliché stuff :) Once that is done, you will be given a huge assignment, the one and only during your therapy work. The assignment would consist of completing the timeline of any distressing events that happened with you during your lifetime. I know the timeline can be a bit intimidating, because if you had anything traumatic in your history, you might not be able to remember some things. And that is ok. For this timeline, you really don't need any dates, ages or chronological orders. As therapists working with trauma, we are aware and informed as to how the functioning of the brain changes once the trauma occurs. Some people might not have any recollection of some events, but they might have a thought, a feeling, or a sensation. And that is what we work with. So, don’t think that if you don't have a recollection of the event, you can’t use EMDR. In fact, I would strongly encourage you to. The brain has an amazing ability to pull all fragments of that memory together. You’d be surprised.
Like I said earlier, the timeline does not have to be linear or in chronological order. And you are probably already thinking about what things you personally would put on your timeline. We all have events that really stuck out for us and they can go on the timeline first. But when you sit down to complete the assignment and a random memory pops up, I would suggest you take a note of it. When I was completing mine, I knew exactly what was gonna go there. But then I got this image of me being back in a Ukrainian daycare where I did not want to be and my mother saying she would pick me up right after I finished my breakfast. I hurried up with that disgusting cold porridge and rushed back to the hallway where she was supposed to be waiting for me. Well, you can probably guess she was not there. Thirtysomething years later I thought “well, I am over it, it is not a big deal”. But yet I put it on the timeline just to talk to my trainer about it. And it was a huge event in my life that for the first time I started feeling like I did not matter to my mother. I carried that belief throughout my entire life, needless to say, I gathered so many more events that would reinforce it that I always thought did not matter. So, it is really important to put what your mind generates at that point. It knows. Trust me.
After you bring your timeline back, this is where your therapist will perform some magic while listening about your experiences. The magic is we are looking for negative cognitions or beliefs that have been driving your behaviors. This is a very important part. However, if there are some experiences that you prefer not to disclose, you don’t have and it is still gonna work. You do not have to talk about your trauma in order to heal it.
Your therapist will also work with you on establishing the grounding skills that really help to calm down any distress during and after the sessions. Grounding skills will also help to determine which bilateral stimulation you would prefer to work with. Just remember - you do not have to use all three stimuli and it will still work. I had a client who came in with medical trauma. They could not concentrate on the light bar and the headphone sounds reminded them of a heart rate monitor which was a huge trigger. So we just used the tappers and it still worked beautifully. Their anxiety decreased over the course of our treatment and those memories are not painful anymore.
Now, the whole point of EMDR is to work through something very quickly and efficiently so it can be processed. EMDR is not just a fast way to feel better. It doesn't work that way. The process is complex and needs to be facilitated and monitored by someone who knows what they are doing. If you're interested in learning more about it and if you live in the FL area, please let me know!